The Church and Marriage: Why Can’t We Talk About Sex?

The Church and Marriage: Why Can’t We Talk About Sex?

The Church is supposed to be a haven for people.

It is often said that the church house is like a hospital, and the believers are the patients searching for healing. If you believe that to be at least somewhat true, then I think we should talk about what spiritual services are—and are not—being provided in the church.

We often talk about how to deal with finances, sickness, employment issues, death of loved ones, and even relationships, but one of the things that we rarely, if ever, talk about in church is sex.

Of course, the church has a biblical interest in advocating that sexual relations occur within the confines of marriage. However, church folk have gotten so good at phrases such as, “just say no,” “not until you’re married,” and “save yourself for that special someone,” that when Christians do get married, especially young couples, some may find that members of the church are at a loss for words about what to tell them when they have questions about sex.

So many people, especially young people, who wait until marriage to have sex get to their wedding night, honeymoon, and beyond and have no clue on what a healthy, sexual relationship with their spouse looks like. (And that’s not even considering the weird, sexual comments and questions that church people do feel strangely comfortable discussing. I can’t tell you how many times church folks have asked, “So when are you all going to give us some babies?”…as if our children will be theirs. It also seems as if they should dictate when we should have offspring and as if when my wife and I do decide to try for children – which involves sex – is any of their business! But I digress…)

Plenty of married couples have problems in their sex lives and want to talk to their pastor about it or have a forum about what sex means for their Christian walk. But, too often, neither the pastor nor the church want to talk about it.

Believe it or not, sexual intercourse could be considered a holy act between a husband and wife. Sex has the power and potential of drawing the bride and groom closer to one another and to create life. If that isn’t holy, I don’t know what is.

So why should the church have responsible conversations about sex? Here are a couple of reasons:

Sex is natural. It doesn’t have to be a dirty word.

Too often when people try to bring up sex, the inclination is to tell them to stop talking about it because it’s “taboo,” “dirty,” “fast” or (worst of all) “unholy,” and it quells a much-needed conversation. However, these conversations need to be had – or avoided – at the appropriate level and age of those in question, including teens.

The church has to realize that if we’re not educating teenagers and young adults on godly principles about sex, then someone somewhere is educating them about sex. And, more than likely, God has nothing to do with their teaching.

We do married couples a disservice when we avoid talking about sex.

Many church people have no problem talking about and encouraging married couples to have babies, but they like to pretend that the magical decision to start a family comes without sex. Well, it doesn’t.

In fact, many would argue that sex is just as much a part of the list of marital issues as budgeting, child-rearing, career conflicts, intimacy, not spending enough time together, bad habits, and other common marital problems. Of course, sex conversations, like all other marital conversations, should be initiated by the couple. However, if they have an issue that they raise with other members of the church community, we should be willing to tackle it—including sex.

Ultimately, sex is one thing about humanity that I don’t imagine will go away anytime soon. (And if it did, we’d be in trouble.) God created and ordained sex as a blessing for married couples and we shouldn’t shy away from that. Another thing that I don’t think will be going away anytime soon is sin. Yet, I think that the church needs a reminder that sex itself is not sinful. Sex is blessed and ordained by God and too often we foolishly conflate sex with sin and we shouldn’t.

Why do you think sex continues to be a topic that’s off limits for married couples in the church? Share your thoughts below.

When God Shows Up Unexpectedly: A Devotional

When God Shows Up Unexpectedly: A Devotional

When we are in times of transition, it can be easy to fall into fear. Many of us do not like change. We would rather be settled and know the ground we stand on. We like our second year at the new company. Our junior year of school. Year two of our relationship. When our organization or project is fully funded. Many of us thrive when we feel we’re on a firm foundation, and we’re nervous when we are launching into the unknown. Yet many of us find ourselves at a crossroads and long for clarity about how to move forward.

In Matthew 14:22, we read about the disciples in transition as they launched across the Sea of Galilee once again, headed from one miracle with Jesus to another. They had learned that whenever Jesus showed up in a new town, He created a stir. His presence led to crowds ready to run him out of town, plead with him for healing, press to hear him teach, or follow Him in curiosity.

But things felt uncertain on the sea that day. The Sea of Galilee was not an unfamiliar place–some of them were fishermen, and all of them lived near the sea their entire lives. The feelings of difficulty didn’t come with the place, but from the circumstances. The last time they were on the sea together, a storm almost destroyed their ship, but Jesus was there to save them. But this time they were back on the Sea of Galilee, sailing late at night without Jesus. His absence meant that anything could happen. They found their peace in His presence. Without Him, they felt a little more uneasy about everything. They knew where they were going and where they were coming from. But they were in transition without the presence of the Lord.

And then they saw a figure walking across the lake. They became terrified, and their place of transition became a place of fear. A figure out on the water with no boat walking above the waves was not a pleasant sight–it looked like a ghost. They had every reason to be afraid. We can relate to their fear of the unexpected showing up in the midst of the unknown. 

Then Jesus called out to them, and they understood that what they were seeing was not a ghost. It was the Lord. In the space between the last and the next, God showed up for them in an unexpected way. Their place of uncertainty became a place of the miraculous.

Similarly, God is able to show up for us in unexpected ways when our circumstances change. It may look like we are alone as we move to new cities, start new jobs, or find new relationships. The water can seem unstable beneath us as it flows without clarity, especially when the night surrounds us. But if we remember that God is with us always and can meet us right where we are, we may find ourselves walking on the water with Jesus on the way to our destinations.

 

Devotional: Creation awaits you

Devotional: Creation awaits you

Scripture: Romans 8:18-30 NLT

18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children,[a] including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope[b] for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)

26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[c] in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[d] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn[e] among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.

As a true child of God, there is a power and authority that we are expected to walk in and manifest. At times, the problems we see in the world create hopelessness and despair as many ask themselves, “where is God?” These are signs that there is a need for solutions from the Church of Jesus Christ.

What if our faith in God could push us to fulfill our destiny? How many times have you wallowed in sadness and discouragement wondering what will happen with your life? We may be the answer to the world’s problems.

In Romans 8:18-30, we are reminded of the beginning in the book of Genesis where the Lord gave man authority as a caretaker of the garden of Eden. That level of responsibility meant that humanity had the power to creatively come up with solutions that would impact creation.

 

Every day, there seems to be a new problem in our society. There is always something pending that should be handled or taken care of. This scripture is a reminder that the God we serve has great confidence in us to come up with solutions that will create positive changes.

Creation is yearning for us as children of the most High God to awaken to our divine collaboration with the Lord caretaking and providing answers to every day questions and problems. If humanity can creatively come up with a strategy and a means to travel to the moon, there is a grace that is in us to come up with answers that will transform the world we are living in a day at a time.

All it takes is a perspective of faith, belief in oneself, trusting the power of God in you, and looking around to see the problems that need to be solved. Instead of waiting and wondering what your life is about, be proactive in using what God has given you to make the world you live in a better place.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Today I ask for a change in mindset. Teach me how to think like a winner and a solutionist. Instead of complaining about the problems in my life, help me to look for opportunities to make a change. Reveal to me the gifts and graces you have bestowed upon me and help me to create answers. Let me be confident in your ability to assign me as a caretaker of the world I live in. Make it a personal responsibility to make a positive change. I believe I can do it. Show me how to do it, so that I may please you as a compliment of your faith in me.

 

In Jesus Name,

Amen

7 Tips for Success from Mark Cuban (EXCLUSIVE)

7 Tips for Success from Mark Cuban (EXCLUSIVE)

Q & A

1. When you look back at your life, what are two leadership traits that have served you well?

Mark Cuban: I think caring about people and curiousity, always trying to learn more to be better

2. What should young adults look for, when deciding on a career?

MC: I don’t think they need to find careers.  I think they need to find a job and start learning and see where it takes you. I think that everyone should be a free agent, always looking for a way to put themselves in a better situation. If you end up with the same company for 30 years that’s great. But it’s not a necessity

3. When deciding who to work or partner with, what are some nonnegotiable’s for you?

MC: Being nice. Being inclusive.  Being knowledgeable. Loving your product so much you are the best salesperson for it

4. You are a man of conviction and character, why is maintaining that important to you?

MC: It’s so much easier when you do the right thing

5. What advice, do you give young investors who want to start investing? What should they look for?

MC: Pay off your credit cards.  They suck your savings dry. Save enough to be able to live off of for at least 6 months first.  Things go wrong. You want to have that rainy day money available. Then find a low cost SPX mutual fund and take a percent of your salary and invest it every month and then forget it’s there.  The longer you can go without touching it, the richer you will be

6. What advice, would you give younger Mark Cuban?

MC: Don’t screw it up. It turns out pretty good 🙂

7. How important is your faith?

MC: I try to never take this life for granted.  It’s a gift and I try to enjoy it with my family every single day